Giving is Joyful...

Greetings everyone!!! I'm very excited about my bracelet gifting project. So far I've created & gifted 18 bracelets!!! The feeling of blessing others is so rewarding... I'm feeling a sense of purpose again, sharing my Haley Jean's unconditional love & beautiful spirit with others makes my heart sing. I haven't felt this optimistic in a long time. Beading has served as a hobby of mine for nearly 10 years now. In fact I guess you can say I created my first #BraceletsForBravery for my mother, not knowing back then my gift to her set the path that I'm on this very moment. I made my mom's bracelet as a get well soon  present...To lift her spirits. My mother, Imogene was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcinoma in July of 2011 & transitioned two months later.  Although she was incoherent by the time I finished, I gave it to her anyway. I even made her necklace & bracelet......That she is wearing now...to match the dress my sister made for her....That she is wearing now. I could go on for hours about the compassion my mother embodied, her diligence & innocence that radiated from her presence...As you know, that's where Haley Jean's name derived from....:)

So I wanted  to share a couple things with my readers in this entry so pardon me if it seems like a lot.....As I've mentioned before this project has provided me a great sense of purpose. The feeling isn't manufactured or scripted in such a way. It isn't tailored to fit a specific emotion or to purposely fill a void. It's as simple as providing acknowledgement of the struggle, giving back & being kind to others I empathize with. I get messages or posts from those who have received a bracelet, they're excited, grateful & determined more than before to continue the fight & that's all I want to accomplish. The pleasure is all mine, more than they'll ever come to know. Well I hope I didn't bore anyone to tears!! Finding solace in giving back is therapeutic & emotionally worthwhile. I do this out of pocket when I can & I've received donations towards more beads & supplies for other recipients. The generosity of people reaching out, wanting to give...wanting to be a part of this project & how they yearn to know more about Haley Jean  means so much to me. May the Peace of the Lord comfort you all & as always be kind & stay encouraged.....:) 

Just to name a few :)

By the way...;)

https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean/

http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/

Zue Zue's Knots....

 Happy New Year readers!!!! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday & a fresh start to a new year!! Since I've been away, I have used the time for personal reflection, healing & postiive coping mechanisms in hopes of learning to live this new 'normal'. This is unfortunately another short & simple post. Just a quick reminder of what I've been up to the past couple months........ So my niece Mariah has turned her talent & hobby of crocheting into a business calling it ZueZue's Knots, inspired by Haley Jean. Since Haley was an infant, Mariah would create the most intricate little frocks for her to wear; booties, bonnets, mittens etc. After finishing her blanket after her trip to Heaven, she decided to turn her hobby into an inspired work of art, creating custom handmade items just like she did for Haley Jean. For more information check out her IG profile link below...

And as for me I'm getting in-home counseling once per week in hopes of learning to accept her absence, painting when the energy allows me & just recently gifted 3 more Bracelets to deserving moms. To date I have created & gifted 10 bracelets total!!! It's so rewarding for me, for some reason this project feels so much more meaningful to have started it after her transition. I guess her transition has fueled or motivated my purpose in life to inspire others as best I can, to show people that I hear you & that I care. It's about standing in solidarity with someone, kindness & genuine concern for those who are hurting in some way....I just read someplace, a quote from Civil Rights Activist Rosa Parks "Each person must live their life as a model for others" This is something I've always aspired to do. For as long as I can remember I've been eager to help others in some way & when I can't, my heart aches. To invoke change when I can, to inspire others to be a better person. It's difficult in my own darkness but I take each day as I can in stride & try to accept what I cannot change.

Before I forget I wanted to share something I had....Kinda an epiphany that came over me this past week....Solidarity. Standing in solidarity is such a humbling & selfless act. Attempting to own a portion of the burdens of those we love mirrors sympathy, compassion & patience..... This is the premise of my Bracelet project, I hope it blazes a trail to inspire others to acknowledge the struggles of those we love & strangers alike...Also posted below is the link for the bracelet project..... Be back soon..;)

http://teamhaleyjean.blogspot.com/2015/09/finding-me-again.html

https://www.instagram.com/zuezuesknots/

By the way...;)

https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean/

http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/

Looking in the Mirror, What do I See...

Greetings guys & dolls.....As usual it's been a while since I've posted a new entry. Time has been kinda good to me, emotionally. I've had the opportunity to find some solace in my grief process as well as reflect on the past 8 months of my life. So a few things has happened in the past couple months that I've been away. As you know I started a handmade bracelet gifting project for parents that have children with special needs. That's been going well...If only I had more energy to produce them faster lol....I'm also painting abstract art for my apartment & working a few pieces for my family. Writing more often in my own personal journal to get things off my chest, got my niece working on a crotchet project for the NICU at Rush, starting a new article for Audacity Magazine (Go check them out by the way) & now as of yesterday I've decided to promote more underachieved beauty in the disability community....Whewwwwww!!!! That was a lot...lol... For more info on all those endeavors just check out my post just before this one....

So in the last few months or so my self esteem has taken a huge plummet down the drain. In the past I've been pretty happy or satisfied with myself. The life I've been given has had it's share of ups & downs yet I learned to master or tailor it to my advantage. Its worked up until recently, now I'm in a position where I question not only the skin I'm in but also why I'm in this skin. I see what mainstream defines as beautiful people & I don't see myself in that category. Why? Because I'm disabled. I don't fit the "norm" of how people see beauty. Social media has completely shunned anyone from adopting that crown, it's like a shark tank or a tank full of piranha just waiting for you to upload what you think & feel is beautiful. I saw an article a while back where young teen size 20 ish uploaded a photo on Instagram in her bra & underwear, sharing the progress she's made on her quest to weight loss & people sank their disgusting teeth into her like vultures!!!!! To add insult to injury, Instagram flagged her photo as "inappropriate content" siting  " it [photo]  didn't coincide with the views & policies of IG"  However people like the Kardashians, Amy Cuoco,  JLo & countless other celebs who pay for the "perfect body" are praised & worshipped....While us common folk are ridiculed on the sidelines. Of course they came up with some cockmammie [is that a word??] apology & reinstated her photo. Well If I had guts at that time I would've posted the exact kind of picture to stand in solidarity of this sweet young girl. I, like her, don't have a million dollar figure [literally] I don't have a massive bank account that affords me the opportunity to go out after Pilates & a Chai Tea to swing by Dr Ferdinand for a new nose!!!! Hell I can't even get anyone to replace & repair these migrating rods in my legs that by the way I need....So anyhow...Its such an ugly, UGLY world we live in, it's the first time that I've hated it, wishing I could move to Mars away from the superficial bull shit that we pay hundreds of dollars per month to watch on tv [Extra, ENews, Access Hollywood] While the world is watching those whom are physically fit, appealing to the eye, I [we] in the disabled community is overlooked, ignored & swept under a dusty old rug because that's not beautiful. Typically I'm with it, hair done, makeup somettimes, I'm fiesty, edgy & will check someone who's not coming correct....Lately I've been the total opposite. After my Haley Jean's transition I started reflecting on things in my life that I hadn't before. Yes I dated & played around here & there, yes I kissed a guy & got drunk & all that madness...Who hasn't? But my fire is gone....

After flicking through my IG account & others' posts I started seeing how no one...NOT ONE woman looked like me. So I'd like to start a hashtag handle #ProjectOIAmBeautifulToo2016 that showcases different faces of beauty for women with disabilities...Knowing you love & admire yourself raises your self esteem, it uplifts your ..So I took my iPod did my face & got my sister to do my hair, opened my blinds to welcome in the natural light & started clicking....I'm not doing this for the narcissism & self absorbent culture of selfies, but the very opposite. On one hand I can be a chatty, feisty chick, then on the other I can be rather recluse. I've always been one to observe, sit back & watch others make fools of themselves...Then I might join in the fun. I contributions is usually done with a different motive. I don't like the attention of selfies, in fact if....IF I post one, it'll be months or weeks before I post another. When I posted these pics yesterday, I was nervous from the potential attention it may generate, I don't like attention. But I put that aside for the sake of this new approach I'm trying to take.I want to capture the beauty in women with disabilities because many of us are full of life, edge, resilience & sex appeal however what society views as mainstream beauty, I don't exactly fit in that category. Now some may argue why do I feel the need to fit in, why not just be myself...To that I'd respond in saying that I am not trying to be anything outside of that...because that is who I am....I'm merely reminding others that this world is a melting pot, it's culturally & physically diverse, its versatility is what makes it so profound & inspiring. For instance, I have the most beautiful family one can hope for & they see my beauty as nothing short of anything less. Why can't the world see me [us] with that very same pair of eyes? Why is that in 2015 I still have people asking me "Oh, you had a baby for real" when we are supposed to be this progressively charged society. How online dating only goes as far as messaging...asking "so can you feel below your waist" "You're so pretty to be in a wheelchair"..How I reply saying "I'm pretty, wheelchair or not" Pricks!!!!!!  My goal is to make the effort of reaching & educating as many as possible about the diversity of beauty, what's beautiful, how we define beautiful & make an effort to reaching mainstream photography of the face of beauty in the disability community. I am trying to own my truths, own my identity & help others do the same....:)

#ProjectOIAmBeautifulToo2016

By the way...;)

https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean/

http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/

Greetings....

Nothing really new to report today....Just wanted to share my GoFundMe update with everyone & re-post a couple other links as reminders... I'll be back soon with more input & discussion about what's on the upcoming menu..In the meantime I've found more comfort in laughter, creativity & fellowship with those who love me. Some days are harder to smile than others, but I manage somehow.... I hope all is well with everyone....Be kind always :) <3

The usual....LOL
https://www.gofundme.com/6p5vb0

Check out my "New Wheels"....Hilarious :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlvMesl32W4

Please read & comment if you can....Also, donations of any amount are welcomed to keep Audacity Magazine up & running. Proceeds go toward payment of guest writers & contributors.
http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/

Please "Like" & Share
https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean

No Regrets...

Hello family, friends & strangers!!! For the past couple months I've been working on an article for Audacity Magazine, an online magazine that emphasizes on disability awareness, advocacy & the everyday lifestyles of people with disabilities. This article focuses on my life before, during & after motherhood & my personal battles with relationships, strength, determination & love. Please read & share the link, Also leave a comment so the publisher will see your interest & I'll be asked to contribute again in the near future...;)

http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/


By the way, please donate any amount you can to Audacity Magazine. Funds go towards paying guest writers, like myself for contributing articles. Many thanks in advance!



Also here's the link to https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean

Update...

Many have asked what have I been up to....Well here's one; Painting!! I've found solace in a paintbrush & motivated by creativity. I think of her with each stroke of the brush & each bead I string....She is my muse, my darling...My blood <3

By the way, please view, Like & share the link below :)

https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean

Finding "Me" Again...

Greetings family, friends & strangers afar.....Goodness it's been a long time since I've blogged. I"m sure you've all wondered where I've been & what I've been up to. The truth is nothing else much has changed. Aside from finding things that will keep my mind occupied theres nothing else worth talking about. Finally started on filling out "Thank You" cards for those who signed the book at her services. It's been months but I couldn't do it until now. Painting has gotten more easy & therapeutic so the more I do it, the better I feel. However, unfortunately I've become more withdrawn, secluded. Staying home in my own space, alone seems more easy & safe for me. I am also dealing with more physical pain & working with my home care providers to get a good pain regimen going. It's rather difficult considering I have so much emotional pain as well....Still haven't started working yet, I guess no one wants to hire me for being away for so long. I even explained  [briefly] on my resume the reason for my hiatus. I hope it finds the right heart to give me that chance I so desperately need..I don't know who I am anymore or what my purpose is. I hope this process allows me to find myself again...To love myself again.....

So anyhow since my Haley Jean's trip to Heaven, its provided me with lots of idle time on my hands. Forcing me to think constantly day in & day out, I realized that it's imperative to keep her name & legacy alive in a positive way. I've come up with 'Bracelets for Bravery'. These handmade beaded bracelets symbolize all that Haley Jean embodied; courage, strength, tenacity, bravery & most of all Love. I'm choosing people with children with special needs to gift them to, as well as those who's lost a child. Caring for a child with special needs entails a great deal of courage & so does losing one. The aftermath of losing a child who was long-suffering is an unbearable journey. These bright, vivid colors also exemplify her personality; bubbly, happy & full of life. Her eyes big & bright like glass marbles you could get lost just staring into them, her smile so infectious, convincing you that all is well in the world. These bracelets are a reminder of all she epitomized.  When I make these bracelets this is what I think of. I'm so motivated by this type of creativity, somehow feeling rejuvenated when I'm beading. Especially for this reason. Although she's not here, strangely I sense her spirit. Fun & whimsical charms bring such excitement to each piece, not to mention the courageous childs' initial . I have a couple other projects I'm working on but it's too soon to dish. Just stay tuned.....  Thank you for being patient with me. I cant begin to tell you just how much this truly means to not only me but my family as well. We love you all dearly...;)

By the way...;)

https://www.facebook.com/HoorayForHaleyJean/

http://www.audacitymagazine.com/mom-and-baby-no-regrets/