Being pregnant was no easy task given my physical limitations. I have OI type 3, scoliosis, weighed 70lbs & 54 inches tall. My abdomen rapidly expanded, simultaneously gradually cutting off blood circulation in my legs & creating shortness of breath. As I mentioned in a prior post I couldn't talk without going into a 5 minute coughing spell. That was attributed to the baby pressing on my diaphragm & lack of adequate oxygen to the blood. My chest cavity is smaller than average due to the scoliosis & short-stature so anything extra will surely be compromised. I didn't feel her moving until about 16 weeks. Felt like butterflies or flutters at first & my doctor have me a heads-up that it would soon happen. I was shell-shocked when the pregnancy was confirmed for obvious reasons. It wasn't until I felt her first kick that I began to get attached & excited about it. I had this feeling of constipation or pressure in my bottom & my pelvis very early on. This resulted from my constant sitting & all I could think of after a long day at work was lying down. I also had pressure soreness near my curve & lower back which was soothed by a hot bath & Watkins salve rub down....Ahhh what a treat :) The weight gain began to make it's presence known. Transferring grow more difficult as the days & weeks progressed so I decided to continue to stay physically active as long as I could so that my strength could acclimate to the weight gain. Then one day, out of the blue I noticed the Linea Nigra; the infamous black line running down the center of my belly. The pregnancy seemed to be reassured. As If I didn't know already, it was little things like that which seemed to re-confirm it. It was an emotional rollercoaster & I was the only passenger...Sitting right up front. I began to "feel things", emotionally unstable, sensitive to everything around me all the time, taking things personally & feeling the weight of my peers' problems on my fragile frame. It was difficult separating myself from things I had no control over. It was difficult to delineate things that were associated [expected] with the pregnancy & life in general. Most days were fine & others I couldn't control my feelings. I tried my best to consider other people's feelings & desires but it was as if I was working for two people; me before the pregnancy & me during. I was adamant about my baby living in a calm & happy tummy so you can imagine the importance of me insisting on taking it easy but that was a luxury, not a necessity.
Looking back almost two years ago, I never dreamed we'd come this far. With all of Haley Jean's special needs & my own health risks I think to myself "Why her, why me?" I look around & see others not struggling the way I did. Other children her age living their life happy, healthy & whole. I see parents being able to go from A to Z in minutes without once losing their stride. I can't even blink without the help of others. But no matter what happens/nd I have not ONE regret, & I refuse to have this life any other way. If I did, it wouldn't be natural.
In the end I'm eternally grateful for the ability to experience pregnancy. It was an adventure in its own right & my physical challenge was or isn't a disadvantage but a constant reminder that in spite of circumstance to rise to the occasion & embrace it. No complaints, no fear & love unconditionally. These were mere imperfections which made it even more special. I'm thankful to be the Chosen One...;)
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