So in the last few months or so my self esteem has taken a huge plummet down the drain. In the past I've been pretty happy or satisfied with myself. The life I've been given has had it's share of ups & downs yet I learned to master or tailor it to my advantage. Its worked up until recently, now I'm in a position where I question not only the skin I'm in but also why I'm in this skin. I see what mainstream defines as beautiful people & I don't see myself in that category. Why? Because I'm disabled. I don't fit the "norm" of how people see beauty. Social media has completely shunned anyone from adopting that crown, it's like a shark tank or a tank full of piranha just waiting for you to upload what you think & feel is beautiful. I saw an article a while back where young teen size 20 ish uploaded a photo on Instagram in her bra & underwear, sharing the progress she's made on her quest to weight loss & people sank their disgusting teeth into her like vultures!!!!! To add insult to injury, Instagram flagged her photo as "inappropriate content" siting " it [photo] didn't coincide with the views & policies of IG" However people like the Kardashians, Amy Cuoco, JLo & countless other celebs who pay for the "perfect body" are praised & worshipped....While us common folk are ridiculed on the sidelines. Of course they came up with some cockmammie [is that a word??] apology & reinstated her photo. Well If I had guts at that time I would've posted the exact kind of picture to stand in solidarity of this sweet young girl. I, like her, don't have a million dollar figure [literally] I don't have a massive bank account that affords me the opportunity to go out after Pilates & a Chai Tea to swing by Dr Ferdinand for a new nose!!!! Hell I can't even get anyone to replace & repair these migrating rods in my legs that by the way I need....So anyhow...Its such an ugly, UGLY world we live in, it's the first time that I've hated it, wishing I could move to Mars away from the superficial bull shit that we pay hundreds of dollars per month to watch on tv [Extra, ENews, Access Hollywood] While the world is watching those whom are physically fit, appealing to the eye, I [we] in the disabled community is overlooked, ignored & swept under a dusty old rug because that's not beautiful. Typically I'm with it, hair done, makeup somettimes, I'm fiesty, edgy & will check someone who's not coming correct....Lately I've been the total opposite. After my Haley Jean's transition I started reflecting on things in my life that I hadn't before. Yes I dated & played around here & there, yes I kissed a guy & got drunk & all that madness...Who hasn't? But my fire is gone....
After flicking through my IG account & others' posts I started seeing how no one...NOT ONE woman looked like me. So I'd like to start a hashtag handle #ProjectOIAmBeautifulToo2016 that showcases different faces of beauty for women with disabilities...Knowing you love & admire yourself raises your self esteem, it uplifts your ..So I took my iPod did my face & got my sister to do my hair, opened my blinds to welcome in the natural light & started clicking....I'm not doing this for the narcissism & self absorbent culture of selfies, but the very opposite. On one hand I can be a chatty, feisty chick, then on the other I can be rather recluse. I've always been one to observe, sit back & watch others make fools of themselves...Then I might join in the fun. I contributions is usually done with a different motive. I don't like the attention of selfies, in fact if....IF I post one, it'll be months or weeks before I post another. When I posted these pics yesterday, I was nervous from the potential attention it may generate, I don't like attention. But I put that aside for the sake of this new approach I'm trying to take.I want to capture the beauty in women with disabilities because many of us are full of life, edge, resilience & sex appeal however what society views as mainstream beauty, I don't exactly fit in that category. Now some may argue why do I feel the need to fit in, why not just be myself...To that I'd respond in saying that I am not trying to be anything outside of that...because that is who I am....I'm merely reminding others that this world is a melting pot, it's culturally & physically diverse, its versatility is what makes it so profound & inspiring. For instance, I have the most beautiful family one can hope for & they see my beauty as nothing short of anything less. Why can't the world see me [us] with that very same pair of eyes? Why is that in 2015 I still have people asking me "Oh, you had a baby for real" when we are supposed to be this progressively charged society. How online dating only goes as far as messaging...asking "so can you feel below your waist" "You're so pretty to be in a wheelchair"..How I reply saying "I'm pretty, wheelchair or not" Pricks!!!!!! My goal is to make the effort of reaching & educating as many as possible about the diversity of beauty, what's beautiful, how we define beautiful & make an effort to reaching mainstream photography of the face of beauty in the disability community. I am trying to own my truths, own my identity & help others do the same....:)
By the way...;)