Monday, May 9, 2016

Psalm 118:22...

When I first found out I was pregnant one would say that I was full of many emotions. Out of everything  I was experiencing, fear was right at the top. Being that I was 32 years old with Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type 3, statistics and science would say that a person like me should not have children. The likelihood of passing the gene to my unborn child is very high. After weighing my options and thinking long and hard I opted out of an abortion I even opted out of an amniocentesis to determine early on if the baby had OI. Besides in my opinion it wasn't going to change anything.  I was ready to accept her in any form God gave her to me. As time persisted, it was evident  that my life was going to be an uphill battle. After giving birth I became so calcium deficient that it was undetectable. I experience pain and frequent stress fractures in my ribs arms and legs. In spite of the challenges, motherhood was my number one priority. With that being said, our life became a roller coaster, not necessarily overnight but gradually.

To this day many people still question the route that I chose.  I wanted to give my child a chance at life. I wanted to give her the chance that we all had.  Since her transition,  I've had much time to reflect on the time she was on this Earth. As I think back to the statistics and science and Physician's opinions,  I have come to the realize that my daughter Haley Jean is the stone that the builders rejected. Like many other children who are born with genetic disorders,they flourish in spite of the circumstance. Looking into what may come, this rejected stone became [is now] the cornerstone, even in death. She's touched lives, hearts near & far. Given hope to the hopeless, proven that unconditional love is evident. Motherhood is a blessing no matter the formality & I was adamant about building on that principle alone. Afterall, who are we to deny ANY person the right to live, the right to motherhood....The right to a productive life.

In light of Mother's Day weekend, I'd like to share photos in chronological order. My Journey to Motherhood...

"The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone" Psalm 118:22

So much has happened in the past few years that I'm not certain where to begin. I can say that in the face of adversity, the Lord was present. It is by Him that I prevailed in the dimmest of nights & coldest of days... I believe my disability & upbringing set the tone for the many decisions I had to make in this part of my life. This premise served as a prerequisite for the assignment I was chosen to execute. And since her transition, I have found when you lose something you'll never see again, you love & appreciate it even more. So this bracelet project is a motivational tool, even in my darkness I'm able to create, design....In fact I believe this is the only upside to grief. 

Many hve reassured me that once a mother, always a mother. I can't tell you how painful of a day I had yesterday....Internally I was broken, angry, hurt......The idea of a lifetime without her is one that I face each day. Most days I don't feel that I fit in that category of a mother. Trying again looks like it's no longer in the cards for me. Another harsh reality that I face everyday. Thank you all for your patience & understanding as I work through the darkness. I do know that no matter what, I am & will always be Mom Hart....

Happy Mother's Day!

By the way...;)

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