Caution: This End Up: Strand by Strand...A Day at a Time...

The past few weeks have been rather difficult emotionally. Struggling with pain both physical & emotional has placed dire strain on my body. Most days I can't get out of bed in the morning without some type of incentive..i.e. scheduled transportation to the clinic for a doctors appointment. I'd much rather lie there in silence, captivated by my wandering thoughts & aching body. However, the stress of my emotions believe it or not trumps the physical agony of bruised ribs & pulsating stress fractures. I'm so accustomed to it that I only notice a difference when I'm NOT in pain. It's such a normal part of my life that I'm able to function day to day activities with a pain level of a 7. You'd be surprised at how sadness dictates ones quality of life. How the mere comings & goings are decided by each thump of the heart. Sometimes I wonder what will become of me. I think, how can one live in such darkness & despair, not to mention the loneliness. I keep myself occupied with my bracelet project but I have to say, as much as I LOVE it, even getting the "Blues" won't allow my pencil to scratch a dot on the paper. I am in a deep, dark place......What brings me to the surface is thinking of the fantastic parents who may feel alone, isolated....fearful & uncertain. What motivates me is thinking of my beautiful Haley Jean's memory...How the thought of not blessing others will do a serious disservice to not only the cause, but the very things she personifies. In that alone, I can create!! Not 1 second passes my thoughts without her. Not 1 night goes by without my lighting her candle......In that I feel her near me...Her soft touch, deep eyes & infectious smile, captured in the stillness of her. Each night at 10pm, her candle is lit, her teddy at my side then I sketch...... Everything about the bracelets are a reflection of both her & I in very unique ways. For one thing I ALWAYS search for strands with worn or cracked beads....That representing the rejected stone...My darling, My blood. And it is a reflection of my style, taste & personal liking. I'll NEVER make something for someone that I wouldn't wear myself. NO bracelet is the same....I want to emphasize each piece is special to the recipient by reflecting one's individuality.

So I've been asked about many things in terms of how I've been keeping busy, to the process of shopping for beads....First let me say....I'm a NEUROTIC when it comes to selecting beads! I select them the same way I shop for clothing or home decor. I touch, feel, ponder, think....touch again. Nothing cheesy, always selecting beads with depth & abrasions which in my opinion tell a "story"....those with weight & bulk....Also I purchase strands consisting of imperfectly perfect beads; those with cracks, scratches, bruises & abrasions. Those kind reflect my Haley Jean & her many ailments. Though her health wasn't perfect, I accepted her in spite of.....i.e. the rejected stone!!